hati hati sang hati

mana mungkin langit sentiasa cerah

ada tika awan hitam pasti berarak

kadang boleh banjir kilat di muka bumi

tak selamanya mentari menyinar

tak selamanya pelangi menari

tetapi langit tetap bertemankan bumi

atasi dengan kepercayaan, doa, setia dan perlu, lebihkan berhati-hati daripada curiga. :)

hati-hati dalam menjaga hatinya. hati-hati dalam memahaminya. hati-hati dalam mencintainya. kerana dia punya hati. hati kita pun harus dipelihara juga.

pesanku pada diri sendiri dan rakan-rakan yang sedang dicintai dan mencintai,

termaktub dalam Al Quran, jangan terlalu mencintai, kerana mungkin ia akan jadi pekara paling dibenci, jangan terlalu membenci, kerana mungkin ia akan jadi pekara paling dicintai.

soalan pertama saya utarakan pada rakan-rakan ini dalam sesi luahan hati, "selagi sayang, bertahan, tapi jika rasa sudah memudaratkan, lebih baik berundur tanpa mengeruhkan lagi keadaan. keberdayaan dan ketahanan dalam berkasih sayang ini perlu banyak pengorbanan"

saya tahu saya boleh nasihati, barangkali yang sedang menghadapinya sekarang sedang lirih. tapi saya juga pernah dikhianati dahulu, hati saya diduakan. pedihnya kan? itu mungkin saya dahulu langsung tak curiga. kerana itu kita perlu rasa sedikit curiga dan tak perlu 100% hati padanya. cukuplah 50%, selebihnya simpan untuk merawat hati sendiri.

samaratakan hati. pada dia. pada diri sendiri..InsyaAllah muga tuhan memberkati hati-hati kita yang sedang cintai mencintai ;) InsyaAllah

hebatkan bila hati sudah bilang "aku cinta dia?" adeh...:P

25 random things about me

1. i hate number and calculating. i would rather read 100 pages history book than to finish 10 math questions.

2. one of my earliest memories is when i was five years old,i went to the cinema for the first time watching "main-main hantu"with my sisters and bro in law.

3. i find it difficult to be close with anyone that i can’t be sarcastic with.

4. i just got a meaningful sms from one of my friend, haslina mohammad " Cantiknya matahari terbenam, Allahuakbar" how everyday ordinariness can bring such joy to us if only we learn to appreciate kan? how great Allah is..Alhamdulillah..and thank you ina. lebiu!

5. i can be romantic at times as a lover, but i'm much more manja & mushy-mushy with my girl friends. ;P macam kucing..miaoowww...

6. i was never jealous of my youngest sister, cici, i love her to bits from the day she was born. ye cici eventhough sometimes i just feel like strangling you so much!

7. i love number seven because its pronounced as NANA in japanese if i'm not mistaken. and seven is always stated in Al Quran. 7 heavens, 7 skies, Allah kan suka nombor ganjil. ;)

8. i'm obsessed with my digestion system. i feel my day is incomplete if i don't finish my big business in the loo. sistem penyahtinjaan..huhu berry berry cherry berry..

9. i'm still trying not to fart whenever i've taken my wudhuk for solat. susah btol nak control takot terbatal wudhuk & solat.

10. i love children and old citizens. i pray that one i'll have a home for the needy ones. insyaAllah.that's why i melt straight away with my nieces and nephews and becomes very fond of other people's parents. ;P

11. i don't favour animals and the only thing i can have as a pet, is fish, fighting fish would be my favourite. and that's that.

12. 100% of my previous relationships, including my current boyfriend said that i'm not good at "kiss and make up" part. tak pandai pujuk langsung pas bergaduh. haha. too bad. ;P

13. i can be very hardworking if i know i have plenty of time to laze later.owh yeah laziness motivates me.

14. i'm a bibliomaniac and film freak..i love reading and memorize so called philosophic and meaningful sentences and dialogues from books and films. it nurtures my soul ;)

15. i'm very bad at with road directions. please, i warn you, don't ever ask me for direction, even to my own place. yes i'm that bad.

16. two things i wish i could do for all of my life, backpack travelling and studying.

17. i laugh at myself all the time, especially when i’m down. my problems amuse me.

18. money spent on knowledge is never too much or wasted. knowledge once learnt, can never be taken away from you. i learnt this from my late mother.

19. eating, reading, watching films, shopping (even for things i don't need) and taking photographs are my escapism.

20. i'm usually labeled as a blur person but i'm actually observing other things at the same time. don't be surprised if i can say and pin point something that most of other people don't realize or notice them.be it a person/character/situation/etc.

21. i had asthma as a kid, cured but i have a very bad sinus and eczema now.

22. i prefer to exercise, long walk or hit the gym ( sedang membiasakan diri) rather than play sport esspecially futsal/tennis/netball. sorry mumbo jumbo team! i will always be your water/towel girl instead one of your player.ehehehe.

23. my bro in law just renewed my driving license for FIVE years, and yet, i'm still scared of driving. eheh.but i would love to own a 4wd someday!

24. when my loved ones ask me “what’s wrong?” my mind immediately blanks out. my inability to share my problems made me turn to sleep and dream about them. no wonder if people say i talk even curse in my sleep.

25. i'm against man when they dye or straighten their hair. and i hate man wearing PINK.. man who are too conscious over their own looks is a big turn off. man with tanned rather fair skin and have goaty score more points in my list. eceh.

sang pari-pari

bye,ina,.(ns),zurra,fiza

ketika berusia 18 tahun, baru selesai kuliah,

tahun pertama di fakulti seni persembahan,

uitm shah alam, 2002

ziela,ker,fafa,bye
ketika berusia 21 tahun, berposing untuk saya,
untuk kelas cinema photography di putrajaya,
tahun pertama ijazah kreatif & artistik,
uitm shah alam, 2005

foto di atas adalah antara pari-pari kesayangan saya yang sentiasa menari-nari dalam hati saya, ada ramai lagi..dan saya tahu, jika anda antara pari-pari itu, anda akan tersenyum la ni gak.. aha i can sense you're smiling. chumel. ;P

saya tidak tahu bagaimana ingin menteraikan dengan kata-kata. betapa saya menghargai persahabatan mereka. betapa saya menyayangi mereka. betapa pentingnya mereka dalam hidup saya. sebahagian daripada kewujudan saya di bumi ini.

my ladies, you have been with me through thick and thin. oh my dear beautiful hearted ladies, thank you for this beautiful bond of friendship. i will always cherish you for life and insyaAllah, here after.

** bile nak wat gathering ni? rindu tau tak?**

hijab

soalan terdetik pada diri sendiri sejak Mac 2008 hingga kini

"saya ingin bertudung kerana Allah"

saya akui hati terdetik ingin bertudung, menutup aurat tapi BELUM TERLAKSANA. tiada siapa pun paksa, tiada siapa pun pengaruh, bukan kerana ada orang kata saya nampak lebih elok bertudung, buat pertama kali saya terdetik MAHU bertudung kerana Allah. tapi saya takut, saya tidak mahu jadi segelintir perempuan islam, sekejap bertudung, sekejap tidak, ada yang bertudung tapi berlengan pendek, yang bertudung tapi tudungnya berfesyen nampakkan leher. ada pakaiannya masih sendat.pakai setelah boyfriend suruh, suami suruh, tapi bila cerai ke break, tak bertudung balik, ada jadi lebih seksi. saya tahu bukan hak saya untuk mengadili golongan sebegitu. tapi jika boleh, saya harap Allah simpangkan tabiat itu pada saya bila saya bertudung kelak. saya mahu nawaitu saya itu tetap dan tak akan berubah walau apapun akan terjadi setelah saya memakai tudung.

saya tahu seperti saya belajar dahulu, Alhamdulillah saya boleh berjaya, adalah kerana saya betul-betul ikhlas dan minat filem. ia datang dari dalam. tak kisah lah kalau tak terer pun asalkan saya puas. saya rasa konsep yang sama juga boleh diaplikasikan keinginan saya bertudung, saya akan bertudung kerana betul-betul ikhlas dan minat bertudung. tak kesahlah kalau tak cantik pun tapi saya diredhai Allah. hati saya masih semakin dekat ke arah itu, saya sudah mula membeli beberapa tudung, menerima pemberian tudung dari keluarga, insyaAllah saya akan bertudung.

* i gave away a lot of my clothes, i haven't given up my dresses. perkuatkan nawaituku untuk bertudung hanya kerana tuhanku.

moksha

i waited up until the last minute to find something that inspired me enough to write about it... i waited to see if i'd stumble upon something so amazing that i'd have to whip out my notebook and pen right then and there and write a glorious piece about it.. but no...i didn't find such a thing..why do i always begin with major issues that i don't know nuts about..after a bit of thinking...

however..i've realized that there are all kinds of little things in everyday life that inspires me in some form...perhaps i'm intrigued by their beauty or their mysteriousness or something else completely...for example.. have you ever watched dust fly around in the light of a sun beam shining through the window? it's beautiful..oddly enough..it sparkles and floats and never seems to land anywhere...again i think that's beautiful...

beauty lies within other everyday things too...like watching the next door neighbour feeding the cats in the morning...a candle flame flickering..the smell of new books..and watching someone you love as they sleep..counting their eyelashes and studying their hands, their face and listening to their steady breathing...the faint sound of traffic driving through rain...the smell of freshly baked brownies... a hug... the clicking sound of cameras usually make.. .when "one message received" on your cellular appears...the framed photographs of your loved ones..the view of the sunrise..and it sets...the spectacular brightest star shines for you on some random nights...heh...reading a real hand-written letter..to feel your feet on the wet grass..the feeling on sunday morning when the clock reads seven o'clock and you know you don't have to wake up...the warmth of a blanket...to be cuddled..and always the comfort of old shoes..the abstract paintings on the wall..the sound of laughter from a child...the smell of coffee brewing.. to feel the lightness after donating your blood.. to learn new language..the taste of good mamak mee..and of course the words, "i love you"..or even holding a starfish in your hands.. a bubble bath... reading a good book..the strong bond of a family..the sound of rain tapping against the window...the smile on the faces of your parents.. nothing in this world could ever replace the beautiness of that very moment..

i suppose i've found myself inspired not by one large and amazing thing.. but by many tiny things that happen all the time...maybe that's what life is about the small things..bits and pieces that make up every day...they are, perhaps, what matter most...

as i’m inspired with a Sanskrit word, Moksha…that is to find beauty in everyday ordinariness..i thank God for giving me this much of overwhelming feelings..the gratefulness of every lil existence in life..Alhamdullillah..

** this was written on june 24th, 2005, i happened to find this in my writing journal ***

salim si jebat india

jamal. latika. salim (jebat saya)

saya sudah lama tidak menulis tentang filem. ada orang boleh memberi pendapat setelah menonton sesebuah filem sepetik jari sahaja. tapi bukan saya. saya cukup teliti bila membaca dan memahami filem. ya, bukan sekadar menonton. apantah lagi kalau saya gemarkan sesebuah filem tersebut.

bagi saya, appresiasi terhadap sesebuah filem yang telah ditonton adalah berat. lebih-lebih lagi anda sudah tahu segala macam teori dan bahasa filem. hampir 8 tahun, mata kasar serta mata hati saya telah terdidik dengan cara itu.

setiap kali saya ingin membuat rebiu filem, ia bagaikan satu amanah. membincangkan hal-hal pembikinannya dan hasil estetika filem itu sangat kritikal dan bermakna bagi diri saya sendiri, bukan sahaja memberi pendapat pada orang lain.

filem itu sendiri amanah, mendidik masyarakat. hingga ada yang boleh merubah seseorang. betapa pentingnya budaya menonton filem, atau lebih elok, betapa pentingnya budaya mengappresiasi filem.

panjang pula mukadimahnya betapa saya sanjung filem (dan pembikin-bikin filem), tetapi saya terpanggil untuk membuat sedikit kesimpulan tentang filem "slumdog millionaire" pasti anda sudah tonton filem tersebut?

kalau mahu tahu lebih tentang aplikasi teori-teori filem yang saya nampak dalam filem ini, hubungi saya, kita bicara sambil minum kopi. selain naratif, mise en scene, lighting, suntingan, lakon layar yang bernas dalam filem slumdog millionaire, saya sangat terkesan dengan watak salim, abang kepada watak jamal. dari segala segi sudah elok jika lakonan seperti kayu, maka tak kesampaian sesebuah filem. lakanon tiga watak utama melalui 3 lingkungan usia yang berbeza dalam slumdog millionaire memang cukup membanggakan.

watak perwatakkan salim dan jamal bersangkut paut pada akar tunjang intipati filem campuran realisme yang diformaliskan ini, iaitu tentang pengorbanan untuk orang lain walaupun dalam kesesakan hidup sendiri, masyarakat yang masih berkasta. dan dalam sesak, dalam sengsara, mereka percaya pada tuhan, percaya pada qada' & qadar.

" God is great " kata si salim sebelum mati, cukup memberi impak pada saya. bukan pada babak si jamal menangi 20 juta rupee dalam rancangan who wants to be a millionaire. anda perasan tak, jamal bagaikan hang tuah, dan salim bagaikan hang jebat. dan heroinnya, latika pastilah hang lipo.

saya suka hang jebat. tapi salim si jebat india ini jauh lebih telus pengorbanannya.

bagaimanapula dengan anda? apa yang anda paling suka dalam filem ini?

*** owh ye, soundtrack filem slumdog millionaire tidak kurang hebatnya. sangat hebat kot? atau memang saya suka muzik india tapi bukan hindustan ye? saya paling suka lagu mausam & escape. A.R Rahman adalah antara manusia yang berbakat dalam dunia ini. kalau beliau bekerja sama dengan sheila chandra yang saya minati itu, mungkin soundtrack ini akan jadi lebih indah buat saya.

new leaf of new year

the urge to write is quite liberating..it has its own feeling..it comes, it goes, it demands and it hides.. i give free reign to the energy, allowing it to morph however it please, always aware that it's an integral part of me...

i haven't been writing much but i've been thinking about it a lot as much as i’ve been catching up with reading for the past few months but writing will remain the best way i can express myself, though it may be in spurts instead of a steady stream…

i have so much to share and experience.. and for that, I ought to myself to document these precious moments and opportunities at least by writing them inconspicuously here in my cyber cocoon...