Saturday, August 22, 2009

aku barakah kerana jiwanya tenang




tuhan,
malam ini jelangnya ramadhan.
si jiwa tenang mengadukan lagi,
perit rindui ibu abah yang menunggu kami di syurgaMu.

si jiwa tenang itu tampak teguh zahirnya.
dalamnya cukup ampuh.
kadang wajahnya senyum, tapi matanya tidak.

si jiwa tenang perlu tahu, aku masih bertahan kerana dia ada.
si jiwa tenang perlu tahu, aku jadi kuat kerana dia ada.
si jiwa tenang perlu tahu, aku terlalu kasih padanya.
si jiwa tenang perlu tahu, aku sanggup kalah untuk kemenangannya.

si jiwa tenang itu darah dagingku.
si jiwa tenang itu bukti cinta ibu abah sejurus aku.
si jiwa tenang itu antara kurniaan tuhan yang teristimewa buatku.
si jiwa tenangku, kau tahu, aku rasa diberkati kerana wujudnya kamu.

kalaulah cici tahu,
sejak lahirnya cici,
kalau boleh nana tak mahu ada orang & apa sahaja sakitkan cici.
kalau boleh nana mahu cukupkan segalanya untuk cici.
kalau boleh nana mahu tebus setiap salah & buat semua yang baik untuk cici.


tapi kesempurnaan itu hanya milik Yang Esa.
kita hanya mampu berdoa dan berusaha agar kita,
anak Allahyarham Suleiman & Allahyarhamah Fatimah terus bertahan
kerana nana ini, tetap kakakmu dan cici itu, tetap adikku, dunia akhirat.

insyaAllah, kita bolehkan adik. kita ada masih ada jiwa-jiwa penting dalam hidup,
kita ada masih ada adik beradik kita anak-anak saudara, kita ada syai, kita ada bancik, kita ada sahabat-sahabat.
kita ada mereka yang hidupkan kehidupan kita.
kita perlu bertahan untuk mereka jugakan?
 
Ya Ilahi, tenangkan jiwa adikku, 
seindahnya namanya, 
Al Mutmainnah. InsyaAllah.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Kawan Baru Saya dari Darjah Dua Molek

These couple of months, i made a lot of new friends and each of them had a special impact on me, i came back home with a smiling heart. i can only pray, they will be there for me on those teary days. be it cry of happiness or sadness. because insyaAllah, i want to be there for them as well. none the less, their friendship are highly welcome & appreciated. thank YOU, you know who you are.

But this blog is mostly dedicated to my new friend, a liltle 8 years indian boy, named LALI. He lives a block from mine. it started a week ago, on my way to work, i was walking to the bus stop, LALI was trying to thrust some star fruits using a white pole from his neighbour's tree, suddenly just call out to me,

"kakak, tolong saya, saya tak sampai nak ambil buah belimbing kat atas tu" he spoke clear fluent malay.our conversation was just like bahasa melayu primary two's so called muhibbah short story between ahmad, muthu and chong, seriously. minus chong ler.


and being nana, who loves children, without hesitation, went near him and helped him thrusted his final two savoury starfruits.

"terima kasih kakak, saya dan mak saya tinggal kat rumah tu. saya memang suka sangat belimbing"

LALI, with his twinkling eyes. from that moment i was hooked. this boy is adorably cute and friendly. i took his pictures and promised him i'll give him the photos as soon as possible.

I talked to him for a while before heading to work. and we've became friends ever since. he sometimes wait for me at my garage and accompanied me to bus stop. i got to know more about him and he knows i adore children, photography and books. we were like best friends. perhaps like a big sister to him. i don't mind even a slightest bit. i'm enjoying every moment.

BUT the sweetest thing this lil friend of mine did was when i came back home from work last night, my sister said LALI came by to find me and left me a present.



The present was naively wrapped by LALI, when i opened it, it was his old broken free RIBENA film camera. i was so touched, i almost cried. This is too wonderful to be true.


Perhaps he is happy to have Kak Nana as his new friend. the most important thing of all, LALI, the liltle 8 years old indian boy have tought me the value of friendship is beyond compare to age, sex, race, religion differences, it's only about a mutual company u regard as a friend.

I'm a happier person today because of this new bond of friendship. Thank You, Ilahi. Alhamdulillah.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

hey love, say hi to jealousy.

cemburu mengetuk pintu hati aku, dua tiga hari yang lalu.

uik al mubarakah cemburu?

macam sudah lama terpadam.
barangkali sejak hati putus harap esok tiba.
sejak arwah ibu tiada, fikiran aku, esok biarkan esok.
kalau kau mahu, kau terus ada.
kalau kau tak mahu, kau tinggal saja.
maaf, aku takkan berharap kau ada esok.

tapi dua tiga hari lalu aku cemburu.
takut kehilangan pada orang sudah mula aku harapkan.
akan ada hari esok untuk aku labuh baik & burukku.
akan ada hari esok untuk aku khabar indah & petaka.
akan ada hari esok untuk aku kongsi & laksana semua.
akan ada hari esok untuk aku bilang kau saja yang aku sayang.

aku kembali berharap.

separuh, cemburu itu petanda baik.
mungkin kerana kau, hatiku berdegup kembali.

tapi aku ngerti, jika esok Ilahi tarik kasih kau dari aku.
Itu mutlak keputusanNya.

apapun separuh, terima kasih, kerana kau ada sejak semalam,
harap esok kau masih bilang sayang sama aku.
(dan tolong tuhan, biar sampai tamat nafasku)

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

We're all returnable to Him, permanently

Al fatihah to Allahyarmah Yasmin Ahmad.

No, we didn't lose her completely.
Her remarkable masterpieces are here to stay with us.
And shall be pass on to our future generations.
Make your children watch her films & commercials,
Let their hearts be touched like Kak Min had touched ours.

Yes, we only return her back to Al Mighty. And that's the best thing of all,right?
Where she will be happily conversing about everything with Allah, of course optimistically.
And someday, InsyaAllah we could join them, you know?

And dear Kak Min, please send my love to my parents too, ok?

Yes, that's how i like to remember Kak Min (after couple of days of being stunned).

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Pesan Adik jika Dia menemui ajal dahulu "Na, belajar la drive, dalam family na sorang je takut bawa kereta"

because i'm a nature person. i walk from anywhere to everywhere. ok ok. fine. i have difficulties in operating moving mechanicals. i always think i'll hit something if i drive. and to top up, i do have a driving license. ;P
but yeah cici's so called WILL stuck in my head since she told me so.

have you ever felt like a passenger in your own life? someone told me that she didn't want to watch her life from the side lines.she wanted to live it.to take the wheel and drive n not let others dictate how things would turn out.i know it sounds silly, but it was quite a profoud statement for me to hear.

and something i had honestly never thought about before.. am i letting other people, or what i think other people want..dictate how i live, or the decisions that i make??so i got to thinking about it, and in order to be in control of my life.. i need to know what i want…erkkk "what do i want?" funny how that can be so difficult to answer...i guess in the general ball park of what i really want, there's nothing really specific and precise..and of course not everything is in my control..but i make decisions everyday that are ultimately determine where i will end up in life…what book i read, what i watch on tv..what time i wake up..yes it seems like simple decisions, they are shaping the kind of person i am and who i will be…

maybe i've been feeling a little goal-less lately…not competely lost of course.. but just wondering where all of this is going to take me…you always picture life to be more exciting in the future..er, maybe i’ve got to stop thinking about other people...start to think of something that will bring excitements into my life..its time to stop being the passenger and drive…heh..so i should know its time to step up and take ownership of it all...my victories and my defeats..both can be very easily blamed on others..

then again this is my life...that means i need to be the one taking responsibility for it..have to think of all the people in my life that depending on me..i can't let them down..i cant let myself down.

Just felt like i gave myself a mini motivational speech there…to those who have been in the drivers seat since their first step.rock on.erm maybe you can teach me a thing or two…so stir the wheels..and drive...and pray, i won't hit anything. ;P

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Esok, genap 730 hari ibu & ayah bersama Yang Empunya Hidup & Mati

Aku harap ibu sedang berbual dengan ayah, dan mungkin juga bersama nenek & atukku,
" tengok anak-anak Mah tu, tak pernah lupakan Mah, Alhamdulillah"

Kebenarannya, doaku tak pernah lekang buat arwah ibu & ayah.
tak pernah sehari pun aku tidak mengenangkan mereka.
mereka ada dalam hati. ada dalam darah. ada dalam raut wajahku.
aku pasti begitu juga dengan adik-beradikku yang lain.

Ya Ilahi, rahmatilah ibu & ayahku yang telah pulang ke pangkuanMu.
dan pesan pada mereka, aku terlalu rindukan mereka. tunggu saja kedatanganku nanti ya.
(harapku pastilah syurgaMu tuhan)

Thursday, July 2, 2009

nikmat melimpah ruah

barangkali tiada sepatah perkataan pun dapat menggambarkan betapa aku

menghargai saat aku ketemu si bumi hujung minggu lalu.

yang aku mahu hanya untuk melihat senyuman pada *mukabumi aku.

tapi aku dapat lebih. malahan, melimpah ruah.

aku dapat mengenali orang-orang penting dalam hidupnya.

ahlil saudara & para sahabat pada si bumi.

aku dapat mendengar bebelannya. lawak jenakanya.

aku dapat lihat kerut matanya. manis bibirnya.

aku dapat kucup tangannya.
kemungkinan aku juga dapat rasa sama gementarnya.


tuhan, terima kasih.

nikmat buat aku melihat senyum pada mukabumi aku.



*muka bumi- raut & ekspresi wajah encik jari kematuan