the end is the beginning is the end

** wrote this back way back in October 06, 2005, yes i like to dig my old writing the repost it in here**

five months ago, i've read Martin Page’s ‘How I Became Stupid’.. i reckoned i could finish it in a day but i just got my hands on the dictionary..believe it or not, couldn’t let it out of my sight..i went to sleep with one thumb stuck in its pages..dreamt about the last word i saw before i fell asleep,..woke up with its soothing weight on my belly..

anyway everytime i start a novel..read i mean..i would read The End first..not the whole chapter or the whole ending...not even a whole paragraph.. just the final line..or the final two lines.. it's been a habit for a long time..i didn't even notice it at first..i just did it, instinctively..like it was the way it should be done..

my last read has a final line that goes like this ,

"I peaced her back.Then they were gone."

i began to learn that book endings are often not the endings we usually expect.. some endings are a new beginning..some are half the journey.. some are a discovery...some are the end of a book and the start of a new mental sphere..some are simply just what it is.. a string of words..open to interpretation...hung out to dry, to soak up the sun..to be drenched in the rain, to go with the wind of curiosity...

how horrible it must be to have no ending...to leave the reader with no purpose, to abandon a book its voice, to not justify a book its existence..

good endings often bring about the unexplainable tug at the heart..sounds corny, i know... there's the Ahhh, the release of a new breath of air..sometimes a choke of dust..hurm sometimes a squeeze of the chest area..hehe.. it's a good feeling and it could be addictive, i believe..like a book worm's ecstasy...a good beginning makes the heart skip a beat, draws the mind to its potential.. a good ending is Unpredictable..it's not safe......it's not under control..it's free..it has no master...

an ending does not have the ability to contain..sometimes it takes 77 pages to arrive, sometimes hundreds...and then it just flees...it takes off on its own..it has no craft..no style...yet life, no plot, no content..it's the end...

The End.

* i've been too busy..i just miss the moments whenever i'm lost in my own world just by reading a book with my dictionary..owh ever so precious moments *